Let's Try This One More Time With Feeling

Hey there kids! Welcome to all of my friends, followers, and family member that have found me here. This is my very first blog post and so yet again, i have found myself at a what i have largely avoided for a bulk of my life,

A NEW BEGINNING.

New beginnings are scary things for me. They rattle my comfort zones and send me into unfamiliar territories. There is often no guidebook to show me the way, often no mentor to show me which path. New beginnings are chock full of surprises and challenges. They often result in me facing my most guarded fears, the things I work so hard in my life to avoid. As much as I have gone out of my way to minimize these uncomfortable moments in my life, I look back now and understand better that a happy life, a fully realized life doesn't just contain, but is instead cram-packed with these new beginnings and of starting over and over and over moments. But they are not what I saw as the "defeats of past attempts", but instead are victories that show the growth and progress of my creativity. Funny enough, now i also realize now that they really aren't half as bad as i usually worried they would be. In fact, more often than not, these new beginnings led to opportunities that were bigger, better and infinitely more rewarding than if i stayed stuck at doing the same old tired thing.

Fear of the unknown is only just fear of your imagination and remember kids, "fear is an illusion" (Parabola- Tool) My goal here is to not be afraid of my imagination anymore...

(*sniff*)

There i go crying again...

So this is my new space to tell my stories. I want to share the things in my life that physically brings tears to my eyes. Yes, your humble narrator and artist here is really a big crybaby. I have a list of things that, at this stage in my life that do this to me, bring me to tears. They either speak truth to my world, express unbridled love or strike some core nerve of mine and the purity of those raw emotions that come out are so overwhelming that i break down into tears. Some of these things are who i choose to include as my family, listening to music or seeing the performances of certain songs, reading or telling certain children's stories, even just writing about and sharing about my dreams and even making music on my guitar. I have realized that these activities, the ones that bring me to tears in the real world, are the activities that mean the most to me and are what i need to spend the rest of my days on this earth sharing. So i am devoting my new life and career to fully realizing these dreams and including all who find some inspiration and joy that i do. They have become my ESCAPE ROUTES, the things that keep my soul from abandoning all hope, the things that keep me fighting to transform the ugly of the world into the beautiful, so that my soul doesn't succumb to the rising waters.

The plan here is to begin with writing blog posts and stories. This is my testing ground for thought and ideas, the birthing ground for my stories and a place for my creativity to play and grow. The next step is to then work on transforming these stories into videos with original art and music also made by yours truly and whatever other friends i may find to help achieve the visions I have. This is my sandbox where i have control of the message and transmission. This is where i can speak my truth and present it in the best manner that i see fit.

And so this is another new beginning for me, but this time i am not afraid. I am excited and eager to be taking this journey and knowing that this time, I am not alone, you all are here with me. (*sniff*) See, i am again shedding tears again as I type this and that is how I know that this blog will be a good thing. In this place, I will continue to proudly display my heart, still bleeding and full of pins and of which as many of you already know, is STILL much too big for my sleeve.

And so by the skin of my tinny-tin teeth, this is my ESCAPE ROUTE.

Some are saved by the good arms Some are saved by the church Some get saved by the skin of their teeth By the thought that it couldn’t get much worse Some are saved by professors Some are saved by police Some get saved by a distant place By an impossible American dream We all need an escape route

(Escape Route- Frightened Rabbit)

Welcome to my world.

To my impossible American dream.

Help me to spread the light.

And always remember that

Love is our Tribe.

(*sniff*)

Damn it! I'm crying again but then again,

maybe that's not the worst thing in the world.

-ToddoT

3-8-2020